Don’t fret, Mum, I still have lots of time,”Charlie says lightly as I leave his room, having pleaded with him for what seems like the hundredth time to get serious about studying.
His
GCSEs
begin from next week onwards, and I used up most of my Easter break attempting to
persuade, offer incentives, and softly encourage him to hit the books
as he strolled about with all the nonchalance of
The Big Lebowski
He prefers taking part in the latest ice bucket challenge over improving his skills in German and math.
On the contrary, my 16-year-old goddaughter rejected a trip to California during Easter to focus on her studies instead.
Several mothers from my son’s
school WhatsApp group
It appears they have a comparable problem with their sons, while parents of daughters mention that their girls tend to be more diligent. I’ve come across tales involving colored Post-its and neatly arranged binder folders. As for my own son, his filing system consists of… his bedroom floor.
What steps can I take to encourage him then? Also, is it accurate that boys have more difficulty with academic tasks compared to girls, or is this merely an old-fashioned gender stereotype?
Dr Sally Eccleston, an educational psychologist, notes that although there’s no scientific proof indicating that boys are less effective at revising, several developmental and behavioral trends linked to gender do frequently—but not invariably—align with these observations.
For instance, studies indicate that boys might develop more slowly in aspects like executive function, emotion control, and communication. This could affect their approach to activities such as preparing for exams, managing time, or handling stress, according to her statement.
Although procrastination and last-minute actions are typical among teenagers overall, these tendencies might be even more pronounced in boys, according to Eccleston. “This could be linked to a slower maturation of the parts of the brain that handle planning, impulse management, and understanding time—functions usually controlled by the prefrontal cortex, an area that keeps developing until around the mid-twenties.”
She notes that personality, learning approach, upbringing, and the educational setting may also contribute.
Charlie attends a mixed-gender grammar school known for its robust work ethic and emphasis on high achievements. Having completed two mock exams already, he finds that although the institution has excelled in preparing him for the actual tests, things unfold differently back at home.
Could it be my responsibility for not assisting him with his assignments over the past several years?
Anita Cleare, author of
Ways to Encourage Your Teen to Leave Their Room
, suggests that establishing the groundwork for studies at an early stage can aid in developing positive habits further down the line.
Creating a consistent homework schedule throughout your child’s academic journey can be very beneficial as it fosters good study habits,” she explains. “Designate a specific time each school day for about 15-30 minutes of studying. Even when there isn’t assigned homework, encourage them to read or conduct some research during this period; however, ensure that these designated times occur regularly. The aim should be to develop homework into a positive ritual rather than concentrating solely on their output.
The positive aspect, according to Eccleston, is that revision techniques can indeed be imparted and encouraged at both educational institutions and within households. However, the downside is that I realize now I should have begun much earlier.
“Implementing organized schedules, visual planning tools, and incremental goal setting starting from early schooling can aid in cultivating good habits,” she explains.
Helping kids to dissect bigger assignments, ponder over their advancement, and craft their methods nurtures independence and confidence — elements crucial for enduring achievement.
Eccleston suggests that you could try using open-ended, cooperative questions to assist your son better. For instance, you might ask him things like: “What approach are you planning to take for your revisions?”, “How can I provide the necessary support for you?”, or “Have you figured out which methods work best for revising, and should we discuss ways to find one that suits you?”
These questions offer
support without judgement.”It’s equally beneficial to concentrate on process praise (such as effort, strategy, resilience) instead of just focusing on outcomes or behaviors,” she suggests.
Keep in mind that educational institutions may not always discover methods to assist each student with study approaches that suit them personally. It’s alright for your teenager to adopt strategies distinct from those of their peers or from what was instructed in school.
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Juliet Landau-Pope, who previously worked as a university lecturer and currently mentors teenagers for examinations, points out that several factors could lead adolescents to postpone or steer clear of studying.
Occasionally, this happens when they feel swamped by the task at hand, or they misjudge the amount of time remaining and experience ‘time blindness’ [a common issue for those with ADHD; my son received his diagnosis about three years back]. Alternatively, they might simply be unsure of how to study effectively.
Landau-Pope suggests that a great way to assist your son is by becoming interested and asking him to be your teacher for one of his subjects.
“Encourage your child to describe an experiment to you or to summarize the plot of a prescribed book and discuss with you the various themes and characters. Pose questions that foster conversation,” she advises.
In the end, Cleare informs me that pestering won’t be effective.
When we constantly complain, we set up a confrontational situation where teenagers feel they must defy us to show their autonomy. View your teenager as the mature individual you aspire them to be. Instead of prompting them about studying, inquire ‘How do you intend to manage your homework today?’
It focuses more on positive reinforcement instead of micromanagement.
“Cleare suggests responding warmly to minor positive actions instead of focusing on what they haven’t done,” he says.
Accepting that certain things are also beyond my control can also help assuage the mum guilt.
Embrace the boundaries of your influence. You cannot force knowledge into your teenager’s mind. It’s alright as some teenagers develop their identity slightly later.
In the end, teenagers will thrive when they have motivation, and this involves discovering and utilizing what sparks their interest.
“Once your teenager finds an activity they truly enjoy, they will pour all their effort and attention into it, surprising you greatly,” according to Cleare.
Next time, I simply need to ensure that it won’t require ice and a bucket.